Action/Adventure/Comedy/Romance/Thriller — 120 min — Directed by Doug Liman
Cast: Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Vince Vaughn, Adam Brody, Kerry Washington, Keith David

A married couple (Pitt and Jolie) are getting bored with their quiet domestic life. What they don’t know, however, is that they’re both assassins, secretly hopping the world and killing for hire. But their separate lives are about to collide when each finds out their next target is their own spouse.

Well, another factory made Hollywood movie done by the recipebook. Nothing exhilarating, nothing very interesting and no plot twists. In fact, I’d say there were nothing in the movie that made it worth watching at all. It’s plain vanilla. No steamy sex scenes, only a bunch of mediocre shootout scenes we’ve seen a million times before. Yawn.

So how does Brad and Angelina do? I’d say Brad does an adequate job but absolutely nothing to write home about. Feels like he’s on remote control at times, but at least he seems to have fun. It feels like he’s taking the piss outta the producers, and at times you can see a glint in his eye which tells you that he knows, and he’s letting you know he knows… Angelina on her side does what she’s been doing for a while - nothing. It’s like she doesn’t even try. She knows what’s expected of her, and she delivers just that. Nothing more. Her character is easily the least likeable person in the movie, and she’s got her panties in a bunch so far up her ass you can smell the vinegar.

Ok, on to the director… Uninspired and quite frankly, what a mess of a job. He gets absolutely nothing out of his cast, and almost every scene is poorly done and visualized, not to mention executed. Which is exactly what his career should be. Sure you can blame some of it to the crappy script, but it’s his job to make even a pathetic script look good. He just doesn’t pull it off, not by far. There’s not one scene worth mentioning, and there could have been a few, if it had been done right. Like the whole movie, it wasn’t right. It’s a mess from beginning to end. As a whole I give it a 5, because it’s not bad, it’s not good. It’s just as plain as they come.

My Rating: 5/10

USA 2004 - Crime/Thriller — 97 min — Directed by Brett Ratner
Cast: Pierce Brosnan, Salma Hayek, Woody Harrelson, Don Cheadle

After a successful last score, a master thief and his wife retires to an island paradise in the Caribbean. His lifelong nemesis, a crafty FBI agent, washes ashore to ensure he’s making good on his promise, to get him. The pair soon enters into a new game of cat-and-mouse, as a last tempation for the thief arrives on a ship.

If for nothing else, watch this one for Selma’s cleavage. Yes, it’s one of the big features in this movie, and also one of the highlights, come to think of it. They do concentrate on getting shots of her rack in almost every shot she’s in. Now that’s what I call inspired moviemaking. The plot you say? Do you really care? Pierce is Pierce, Woody is Woody, and Selma has big boobies. Is there anything else you need? There are some lame attempts at comedy here and there, but as you only wait for the next boob-shot… It’s not brainsurgery. Think Tailor of Panama, and you have what ballpark it’s in. Nothing amazing, except for said boobies, nothing awful. Aw, fuck this. It was ok.

My Rating: 7/10 (+1 for Selma’s cleavage)

Brazil 2002 - Crime/Drama/Thriller — 130 min — Directed by Fernando Meirelles
Cast: Alexandre Rodrigues, Leandro Firmino, Phellipe Haagensen, Douglas Silva

Cidade de Deus (City of God) is a housing project built in the 1960’s that in the early 80’s became one of the most dangerous places in Rio de Janeiro. Seen through the eyes of Rocket, a poor black youth too frail and scared to become an outlaw but also to smart to be content with underpaid, menial jobs. He grows up in a very violent environment. The odds are all against him. But he soon discovers that he can see reality differently than others. His redemption is that he’s been given an artist’s point of view as a keen-eyed photographer.

This is not a movie for the weak-of-heart. It’s brutal, and show you how little value a life can really have, and probably still have in Rio’s slum. Even small kids have no problems murdering people in cold blood. This is one reason I will never set my foot in this festering shithole. As Ripley said; it should be nuked from orbit. When life is worth absolutely nothing, and the murderers don’t care one bit - something is wrong. Very wrong. This movie sure gets you thinking about that there really is such a place even today! The film is well done without being preachy at all. It just shows it like it is - brutal. I feel I need to digest this movie further. Right now I’m a bit out-of-breath from seeing it. What a life. Or rather, Hell on Earth.

My Rating: 6/10

Animation/Thriller — Directed by Richard Linklater
Cast: Keanu Reeves, Robert Downey Jr., Woody Harrelson, Winona Ryder

In suburban Orange County, California in a future where America has lost the war on drugs. When one reluctant undercover cop is ordered to start spying on his friends, he is launched on a paranoid journey into the absurd, where identities and loyalties are impossible to decode.

Wow, this trailer looks damn cool! Like a graphic novel come to life, with live action photography overlaid with animation - quite weird, yet damn cool. And with a cast like this, what could possibly go wrong? I like Keanu. He might not be the world’s best character actor, but if they only keep him from trying to be too normal, or British, he should be fine. Downey is always good. Yeah, always. He’s one of my all-time favorites. Woody is always great too, and I’ve always had a sweetspot for Winona. It is based on the novel by Philip K. Dick and his own drug experiences. Wow! I really hope it’s as cool as it looks. Can’t wait for March 2006, when it’s (hopefully) getting released.

Watch the trailer: Click here!

USA 2005 - Animation/Family — 86 min — Directed by Eric Darnell
Cast: Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, David Schwimmer, Jada Pinkett Smith, Sacha Baron Cohen, Cedric the Entertainer

At New York’s Central Park Zoo, a lion, a zebra, a giraffe, and a hippo are best friends and stars of the show. But when one of the animals goes missing from their cage, the other three break free to look for him, only to find themselves reunited … on a ship en route to the island of Madagascar. When their vessel capsizes off the coast, however, the friends, who have all been raised in captivity, learn first-hand what life can be like in the wild.

I was expecting a lousy movie, and that’s what was delivered. Below average animation that would have been allright five years ago. It definitely wasn’t funny in any way, at most it made me smirk in a couple places. I’ve heard about the penguins being funny, and they certainly were - not. You might like this one, if you’re under ten. The in-jokes were so pathetic and poorly done it made me wanna scream. Oh. They were supposed to be funny? Haha. Riiight. THe whole movie had no spark at all, just made to fill the bankaccounts of Dreamworks and the voice-talent. That brings me to the performances of said folks. Stiller was so bland and boring that I never got the least interested, and Schwimmer was dull, dull, dull. Smith did ok, but anyone could have done that - and better. Only Chris Rock did well, but there was no humor in this movie. Not to my taste in any case. But worst of all was the Lemur King. He was terrible, just horribly bad. I fear that this one belongs right beside Shark Tale - on the bottom of the sea, left there to just vanish. Madagascar is the worst CG movie I’ve seen yet. I’m afraid to watch Shark Tale and Will “My-head-is-sooo-fucking-big” Smith. No, after this I even dread it.

My Rating: 3/10